Make today the first day of the rest of your life.

Step One is a beginning to many first wonderful days. Live in the moment, every moment, one day at a time.

 January 4, 2024

Step One (var)

We admitted we were powerless over persons, places, and things and that our interior selves were suffering due to the madness of our addictions.

“Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”

― Abraham Lincoln

Beginning Step One opened the door to the possibility of recognizing my greatest enemy: myself. To paraphrase Honest Abe, I can defang the tiger (my enemy) and render him harmless by making him my friend. My past self was the enemy of the future lion I would become, a proud man, loving his family, friends, opportunities, life, and future.

My past life being the enemy, I found myself a liar, a cheat, an alcohol and drug addict, and ultimately an embarrassment to my family, friends, and all the people who came into contact with me. I was neither proud like a lion nor soft and cuddly like a lamb; I was an asshole. My life was a lie, and since, even in those dark days, I hated liars--I hated myself, I honestly did. Waking every morning with a scathing hangover reinforced what a loser I was in that life. How do I make friends with a capital neer-do-well like me? 

I wish someone had told me the power of self-directed, positive reinforcement early in my program. For years, I attended my meetings religiously, worked the steps, siphoned the excellent examples of my brother’s and sister’s wisdom, and applied it the best I could. There was one thing missing: I continued to hate myself. I felt unloveable and unable to love; I felt unliked and unable to fit in with many of the people in the program.

 In those days, what other people thought of me mattered greatly. It was still all about me. I later learned that it’s none of my business what others think about me, especially if I keep my side of the street clean and be the best me possible. 

I hope I’m being honest in all of my affairs, generous with my time and treasure, living by the high moral code of conduct taught by the Twelve Steps, and refusing to go back to my old ways. I believe I should and will be proud of myself if I live this way. If I’m still not liked? That’s on the person who doesn’t like me–The problem may be them. I will tell myself good job when I do what’s right and perhaps pat myself on the back for the effort when I think I deserve it. I don’t always meet the high standards I set for myself, but isn’t making mistakes a part of the human condition? I think it is. I’m also my worst critic. Many people will refuse to acknowledge a job well done, but they tend to be our most vocal critics when we fuck up. At the end of the day, will I let mistakes derail my program and my sobriety? No, I’ll try harder next time; it’s my responsibility. This is how I again became friends with myself.

Have a great day, everyone!

Joe LeSanche

 #Sobriety #addiction #soberNYC